We’ve all got that person that manages to stay in the back of our minds. Maybe they’re an old lover, or someone that recently sparked your interest. Hell, you might not even know if they are yours to claim. Nonetheless, your “person” is someone you’ve got serious feelings for and today, their name is resonating louder than ever. Why ?

Because today is Valentines Day.

Today is the official day of love; only to be celebrated by those in significantly-serious relationships. It’s also a day when the single people gather around and pretend like they are better off alone, when really all they want is their “person” next to them.

Unfortunately, the Law of Valentines absolutely prohibits them from doing so.

Don’t hate me for stating the obvious, because we all know it’s true. It’s common knowledge that it’s only sociably acceptable to celebrate today with someone if  you’re in a seriously-real relationship with them.

I’m all about pleasing society, so I think it’s appropriate for me to step forward and state that I did in fact, celebrate today with someone I’m bat-shit,crazy in-love with.

……(and we’re official.)

 I’ve been contemplating weather or not I should reveal this love affair of mine via blog post… but whatever, it’s V-day.  Not to mention, it’s seriously the cutest love story ever.. Just saying.

It all started when this guy broke my heart.

They said I’d be better in no time. They told me that something wonderful was just around the corner. They told me not to give up on finding true love, because it was a real thing.

I wanted to believe them.

I wanted to believe that there was such thing as refuge for the broken heart.. I wanted to believe that when a girl goes through the hell I did, she’s destined for Prince Charming to sweep in sooner rather than later.

I have no idea why, but when I chose to walk away from him, I expected to have the world at my fingertips. I expected to feel revitalized, fresh, and totally pumped to embrace the newfound freedom that comes with being single.

The last thing I expected was to have a giant, emotional mess to clean up. But hey, I guess that’s my own fault for trying to be optimistic.

Let’s be honest though, we all love the thought of being a Damsel in Distress and having a hero come in and sweep us off our feet. I know I did. I waited by the window like a sad puppy for months thinking my Prince Charming was just around the corner. I thought he was the answer to cleaning up the emotional mess the last guy left me with. But unfortunately, my life isn’t a Taylor Swift song and I never woke up to rocks being thrown outside my window.

I knew I had to accept the fact that Prince Charming wasn’t coming anytime soon. It sucked, but deep down, I knew that I had to take matters into my own hands. After all, my mom always said the longer you avoid a mess, the longer it takes to clean up.

So I did the inevitable. I strapped on my bulletproof vest, pretended like I saw the good in goodbye, and went on with my life. It wasn’t easy, but it had to be done. Once I stopped relying a guy to define my happiness, I was forced to find it elsewhere. Little did I know the thrill I was in store for..

I’ve heard it said that your twenties are the happiest years of your life. For whatever reason, I never took the time to ask why? I mean happiness is a very general emotion…I had no idea what to look for. Let alone, any indication as to what made ME happy; I definitely didn’t have the patience to do that whole “find it within“crap.

So I started from square one and  made a list of the simple things in life that made me smile. In all seriousness, my goal wasn’t to find the answer to my problems, I just needed a starting point.

From handwritten letters to grey nail polish, I managed to compose a completely random list of things that brought me joy. When I finished, I was in complete and utter shock at what it did for me. For the first time in forever I was looking at myself from a completely new perspective.

I came to find that this list was the essence of my personality, and it triggered something really cool within me. It’s like suddenly I realized how powerful the simple things in life really can define pure joy. How on Earth did I not realized this before?   Like, really Skate?

I posted the list on my bathroom mirror to serve as a constant reminder of the things that made me,well….me. Everyday I forced myself to do at least 3 things from my happy list regardless of what I had going on that day and eventually, it became second nature to attract more things that made me happy without even realizing it.

Next thing you know, I’m living my life with ZERO negativity. It wasn’t even an option. (Mind-blowing, I know.)

Then, when I least expected it, I met someone that changed everything.

This person was no stranger and it definitely wasn’t our first encounter, but for some reason on a night in December, there was a major spark, like fairytale-happy spark that overwhelmed me. I was laughing a lot, smiling for no reason, and walking with confidence that I had never dreamed of having.

My friends knew something was up. It was pretty obvious that I was totally smitten with someone. At first I was skeptical of telling them, I denied any allegations and rolled my eyes whenever comments regarding my love life were made. Because truth be told, I really didn’t know if me and this person were anything serious or not yet. It was so new and so unpredictable, I just didn’t know if they were here to stay. The girl code CLEARLY states that: Bff’s are only informed of crushes if they are the real-deal. But I totally cracked. I  got to a point where I could not keep it from them for another second. It was time they knew the truth.

I sat them down, took a deep breath and said, “Ladies, I’ve got some news. I Sara Kate Bradfield have fallen in love…

with me again….”

Like any good girlfriends, they responded accordingly. They let out the big squeal, fluttered their hands, and begged for each and every detail as If It was the real deal.

So I spilled my guts.

I told them about my happy list and how it changed my life when my perspective needed some serious readjusting. We had total “22” moment and spent the rest of the night making fun of our ex boyfriends. (sorry if any of you are reading this.)

Those nights are necessary sometimes.

In the name of being honest, I’m single and there is “person” that may have crossed my mind on this Valentine’s eve. However, I must agree that the Law of Valentines, (as annoying as it is) should be abided by. I do think that it’s a holiday that only serious couples are allowed to celebrate. It is an extraordinary holiday and it should only be celebrated by extraordinary feelings.

So I think it’s only appropriate that this Valentines Eve, I spent the evening with someone I’m in seriously-real relationship with, and that’s me.

Tonight I dedicated the evening to painting my toenails grey, stalking cute boys on Facebook, watching Beyoncé on Netflix, and creating a Pinterest dream house. In the midst of it all, I even managed to fit in a bubble bath in. It sounds totally pathetic, but tonight I spent 4 countless hours smiling because I had absolutely no one to impress tonight, but myself.

I know the whole concept of “falling in love with yourself” sounds a bit ridiculous. It even sounds a little vein. But in all seriousness, the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have. It influences those around you and when you’re comfortable in your own skin, you’re going to naturally attract other people. I sincerely believe that there is no such thing as “true” love until you learn to love yourself. It pains me to think that I ever deemed it necessary to modify myself just to please a boy. Um. Ew. That’s embarrassing.

When you experience happiness, you experience love, when you experience love, you experience the truth. By exposing myself to more things that brought me joy, I was able to experience life in the most beautiful manor. It’s crazy… when you filter out the bad, good things manage to surface more often than not. Once you get to know yourself, you go after the things that make you happy. Things get less complicated and you learn what things (and people) are worth fighting for.

That’s pretty spectacular.

For the first time in a while, I can say that I am comfortable taking chances. I’m comfortable  putting myself out there and all of my emotions on the line. I think it’s exhilarating to break the ordinary rules of dating, and risk making a complete and utter fool out of myself if it means being honest.  Because more than likely, someone is going to break my heart again, and I’m going to have a million and one more messes to clean up…..But-

If it means being me, I think it’s worth the risk.

Happy V-Day –

Ps- I’ve decided to make this blog a little more fun and add some  visual elements if you will.  These photo’s were taken by my insanely talented-fashion- photographer friend Ashley Kickliter. What started out being nothing more than a promo shoot, turned out being the most captivating day. Seriously, she’s incredible.
http://www.ashleykickliter.com/book-i
https://www.facebook.com/ashleykickliterphotography

Roar

There are many things in life that bring us joy. Relationships, hobbies, and peace are

Generally the first things that come to mind.

Recently, I discovered that there are different types of joy. There are things that we enjoy, and there are things that physically cause us joy. Like the butterflies won’t leave your stomach-your face hurts from smiling-I have to shave my legs again from all of the goose bumps– type of happiness. Sure relationships, hobbies, and peacefulness are things that we ENJOY, but lets be honest, those are just conventional, surface level things we are conditioned to classify in the “joyful category.”

I’ve come to find that in order to truly feel Joy, you have to dig a little deeper. You have to take a deep breath, let go and trust that God has so much to still reveal. He’s constantly placing you in situations that test your faith. A lot of us have these awesome God stories that indicate some sort of unexpected miracle. Personally, whenever things don’t go my way, I go looking for a miracle. I pray for God to change my circumstances when in fact, I should be trying to change my attitude. Sometimes all we need is a reminder of the things that used to make us happy. Because more than likely, if you know yourself in the slightest bit, you’ll come to find that you had control all along of your circumstances. It didn’t have to be as bad as it was.

I was that 7 year old girl that forced her parents to listen to Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, N*sync, etc. every time we took a trip. They’d turn the music up, let the windows down, and do all of the dance moves with me regardless of how silly they felt. Needless to say, I had a thing for bubblegum pop music. At home, my idea of playtime meant putting on glitter shoes and bellbottom jeans and singing into a hairbrush as if I had 50,000 people singing along with me. It was my salvation for many reasons; after all, being a pre-teen-drama-queen, the world was always “falling apart”. Whenever I’d have a bad day, I knew exactly what needed to be done in order to make it better. Once everyone went to sleep, I would go into popstar mode. The lights went down, a lamp for a spotlight deemed down on me, and all of a sudden reality faded away into the night. Whatever mood I was in; there was a song to perform. Sometimes I’d get in character so much that I would actually begin to yell “THANK YOU NEW YORK” so loud it woke my parents up.  Yeah embarrassing. But it didn’t matter because that was how I coped with things. It was like leaving your troubles behind and becoming someone else for 10 minutes.

As I got older, I changed. Being in college changed everything. It brought out new stress factors, more responsibility, and for the first time, I had no one telling me to clean my room before school. Like most college students, difficult classes, time management, and pressing relationships consume most of the days time.

Often, I would convince myself that if I was having a problem, more than likely someone else was too and there was no reason to have a major freak-out fest. On the outside I still had the same bubble gum popstar personality, but I eventually let those nights of bedroom concerts fade away.  After all, I’m 20 years old, that’s a bit childish don’t you think?

In the beginning I would seek joy from loved ones, I would occupy my time with art and the simple things that made me smile. I would try everything I “knew” to do to overcome a problem. Sure those things helped temporarily turned my frown upside down. But in reality they were nothing more than routine distractions. Over time, my struggles began to hide who I was. I spent two years stressing over diminutive obstacles that I forgot what used to help me. I guess in the back of my mind, college stress was much more exhausting than the stress of childhood, therefore, college problems weren’t easily resolved.

This fall I returned to Auburn prepared to open my eyes and my heart to new things. I left the past behind and was ready to start fresh. I had a summer of fun, no stress, and just up and decided that this year was going to be different. Lifestyle changes were being made, I was going to be happy, and stress was no option.  Ha. Yeah that happened.

Turns out that’s a bit easier said than done. New things began to invest my time and emotions. Before coming back to school, a significant part of my life was left behind In Atlanta. Everyone said the easiest way to deal with a breakup was to keep yourself distracted, so I did. I became more involved in my sorority, my major, while also taking a full course load. My life became such a highlighted calendar from classes to socials, to deadlines and due dates. I didn’t have time for myself. Come to find, that’s literally the worst thing you can do. You can deny your feelings all you want. You can try to be a strong, independent woman. Lets get real though, when you lose someone, the empty void follows you around like a sad little puppy.

One early morning this August, I was casually driving downtown and heard the song Roar By Katie Perry on the radio. At first it was nothing more than catchy lyrics and a loving -life beat that grabbed my attention. Obviously, I immediately downloaded it when I got home, listened to it a few times, sang it in the shower for about a week,  and once it left my recently added playlist, it became nothing more than another track in my iTunes library.

One night after a few tears here and there, my phone fell on the floor. (Like most iPhones, apps open with barely tapping the screen) It began to play Roar. As I plopped on my bed in self-pity, too lazy to turn the song off, I began to listen a little more closely. It became clearer and clearer to me that God was telling me something.

In case you’re unfamiliar with the lyrics to Roar, the chorus goes: “I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire ‘cause I am a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar”.

Flashbacks came back and forth into my head of me as a little girl dancing to Britney Spears singing “Stronger” into my hairbrush after my best friend and I got into a huge fight. I thought about how much it relieved the tension back in the day. So I did the unthinkable. I wiped my tears. Put on my favorite Steve Madden Wedges, and cocktail dress and Roared. At the end of the song I had chills running up my legs and arms and slight smile to go along. It was so childish and a bit ridiculous, but it was me. For 3 minutes and 43 seconds, I became invincible.  It was then I realized that I wasn’t allowing myself to become strong. I was being weak for letting my emotions get the best of me. I had been so fixed on how upset I was that I denied the fact that I could become happy.

They say that children are the happiest people in the world. So why wouldn’t we want to embrace our inner child? It sounds so crazy reading this over and over again. Who would’ve thought that one song would’ve caused my life to take a complete 180 turn? I sure didn’t. I was convinced that my popstar days were long gone. But they aren’t. As I write this post, I become more and more ok with the fact that I’m 20 years old and still dance around with a hairbrush. Sometimes when you personally don’t know what to do, you have become someone else. I didn’t know to do and I had no confidence in myself, But Katy did. Katy knew how to roar. So that night, for 3 minutes and 43 seconds, I did too.